Comments from my friends

finished writing
at the end of the world,
a sudden rain
the end is near
just four pages to go--
meteor shower


-- oino sakai (Lloyd G. Daub) c.9803.10

Here comes god of dusk!
ever growing ball of black
eats stars without break
don't sweat Heat Death!
gravity always wins;
some take longer


-- oino sakai c.9803.17
restless night of spring
hippocampus keeps mumbling
"You have lost something"
(Something about mumbling hippocampuses really appealed to me. The
amazing thing here is that the whimsical nature of this poem doesn't
detract from it's emotional content, which is something I've never been
able to do.  My whimsical 'ku may be light and funny, but lacking in
any deeper emotions.)
     -- Mark Dowdey, 25 March 1998)
Dear Yuri,
Your Japanese insight is enlightening and frightening. Good scifaiku!
Ulf (5 Apr 1998)

super strings
begin to vibrate...
spring sky
        ball
  of yarn
     unrolls
       through
           zero G :
     kitten
                 springs
     --Mary Margaret Serpento  c1998
I love the suggestion of warmth & growth returning in yours,
Yuri.  Lovely!

  
cabbage moths weave
an invisible maypole -
six months till spring!
(it's autumn down here, but string is in the air...) ;-)
Kirsten (26 Mar 1998)


 Hello Yuri,I would like to tell you what a beautiful scifaiku you have
written.  It blends a natural element, ( spring ),together with the
science fiction part very nicely,giving the reader a good mental image of
both.

                                                        lucien
(27 Mar 1998)
        petals fall sunward
  from bare metal fingers :
loves me--loves me not

--Mary Margaret Serpento  c1998


Jovian spring
dragons shed scales of petal
a floating world...
I think the way 'petal' and 'metal' resonate in sound and contrast in sensory
impression in the two poems above is beautiful.

bathrobe dragons
a little threadbare,
the moon seven years older--
but the dawn sky
is still blue, red and gold

too late for dignity, young dragon;
I saw you
chasing your tail!

Kirsten (30 Mar 1998)


        kimono loosened
  from her neck -- rainbows
      cascade down her scales
--Mary Margaret Serpento  c1998
unscanned text
unretrievable
Alexandria again

Ulf Wiman  c 3-28-98

ALEXANDRIA'S LIBRARY

In the flames:
time-jumping scholars fight
over manuscripts

Low-Bidder Time Cop
Endlessly and forever
Dousing flaming stacks

---zaftig


teleported books
appeared but were ignored
by phocomeliac mankind


I tried some revision myself.
First came this version:

  timeported books
  left untouched...
  seal-limbed man of tuture

Then I received a suggestion from you.
And I discarded "timeportion" altogether.
This is my minimal:

  seal-limbed man
  books decayed
I didn't understand 'phocomeliac' either but I rather enjoy learning a
new word - its also fun trying to figure it out from the context.  I
like this original version and you minimalist one below - I'm not so
sure about your revision though. sheryl (3 Apr 1998)

Perhaps not "ignored" but simply "untouched" -- let the reader place the
blame.
Sue Burke (3 Apr 1998)

I was touched by the phocomeliac gloss, since there were so many victims in
Japan.  My empathy goes out to this "now" adults.  A very fine scifaiku!
Ulf (4 Apr 1998)
Tsunami
riding the crest of hell
the surfer

--lucien


gravity well
   no exit
        flame-out
   snuffed

--Mary Margaret Serpento  c1998


Harbor wave from hell
following in the wake
of last night's eruption...

'Bina.


after The Impact
surfboard on hilltop
grave-post without epitaph

--Yuri
Reminds me of John Keats' epitaph:
"Here lies one whose name was writ in water"
'Bina.('98/4/14)

In this thread, these were the two that I really liked. 
gaKunz ('98/4/14)

Merci beaucoup, monsieur!  Normally I avoid sports and Baywatch-whiff,
but Yuri's opener and later death ku just made the Muse shove me aside
and grab the keyboard.  Magnificent imagery.
juste mes deux centimes mouilleuses,
*.mms ('98/4/16)
memorial
fiberglass
outlasts
dude

--Mary Margaret Serpento  c1998

Ozymandias:
King of Kings?
Only his board knows.

'Bina.

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last updated '98/4/20